sex without you

gropping, touching, grabbing
at two forty seven on a monday morning
him and i together
secretly wishing
we were with other people

he fights to not scream her name
so he bites my lip to shut up
i keep my eyes closed tight
like pandora's box
afraid of what i may see
if they are opened

because behind my eager eyes
i yearn for only you
and i can't stand disappointing them
with flashes of his face

as he moves
on top of me, below me, behind me
i can think of only you
what you'd say if you knew
would it bring you back?

pointless thrusts push my mind elsewhere
to a time when we used to make love
i make my love for you with him
with every moan, a whisper of your name
is called out from the back of my mind

after he lays tangled up with me
we both cling to a memory
that can't be deleted
i long for your callused hands
smoothing out my body
like crumpled paper
folding me to fit in your arms

this was all i wanted from you
though i lay and pretend
i need it from him
i wonder who he wishes
was in his arms tonight