if i drank a lil more
and i danced a lil dance
would that make me cool?
would that make you love me?

if i acted a lil older
and i shed my youthful ways
would that make me mature?
would that make you love me?

if i knew you a lil later
and you fell in love with me now
would that make me available?
would that make you love me?

if i drove a cute lil car
and took you to the best parties
would that make me useful?
would that make you love me?

if i could just show you again
how much i love you
would that make me yours?
would that make you love me?

if you could just see what you're doing
and realize you were wrong
would that make you stop?
would that make you love me?

what if

what if
you never lied
never fed me false security
that you would be there for me
would i be crying right now?

what if
i let you continue
to hurt me each day
and i wouldn't complain
would i be happier now?

what if
i knew that
i'd be missing you this much
like i cannot live without you
would i have let you go just now?

what if
i wasnt me
i became the girl you wanted
and you were proud to be my man
would i hate myself less than now?

what if
you loved me
like you were supposed to
what if you just loved me
would you be alone right now?

little mermaid

dont try to stop her
because no one can
she swims to tomorrow
with a picture in her heart

dont try to stop her
she wont listen
she cant see the impossible
when she looks into his eyes

dont try to stop her
she would kill
anyone in the way
between her and the fatal surface

dont try to stop her
her need for the human boy
drives her to the unbearable sand
and bake under the eyes of the sun

dont try to stop her
even though she knocks
each day on death's front door
nothing matters when he is there

dont try to stop her
when she suffocates from his breathe
because she would chose that
over water any day

dont try to stop her
im the little mermaid
trust me, ive tried to
but i cant stop me

catch you

when you're standing
on top of the world
with a million stories under you
or behind you
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

when you're ready to test
out the limits of these wings
and you jump off
to pull away from me
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

when you've invested your sorrows
in a bottle of sweet redemption
and you just cant walk
like you used to
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

when she breaks your heart
and releases the flood gates
of your eyes
and you know she wont
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

and when that day you see
who's always been there
maybe inside you know
that you're ready to fall in love again
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

i feel the need for lips
throbbing red flesh
to press against mine
to taste
someone's passions

i want a sinful kiss
to cleanse me
of all my frustration
to baptize me
from this innocence

i will bury my insecurities
in your mouth
and seal them
like a secret treasure
in a cave

To her:

Prepare to smile like you mean it
To nod when you don't understand
To laugh when its not funny
And listen when you couldn't care less

Don't forget to be there when he's alone
To leave when thats all he wants to be
To lose the battle but not the war
To forgive even when he cant

Please learn to hold him like that's where he belongs
To hug him like you'll never let him go
To kiss him with the same passion as the beginning
To be there to hold his hand when he needs a friend

Just remember to ignore the mood swings
To comfort him when he's had a bad day
To let it go if he blows up at you
To listen to both sides of the argument

You better fall in love with him each time you meet
To love him with every inch of your heart
To let him have all of you cuz you're lucky to have him
To never hurt him which was my mistake

So step up to the spotlight
It's your turn to shine
Don't mess up
I'm a difficult act to follow

stop asking why
to the world with no answers

stop questioning everyone
when they have no idea

just start saying "because"
and pretend like you know

because maybe you do know
you hold the answers to your own problems

don't fool yourself
you are not a god
you bleed too
you are capable of
an eye fountain

you are not immortal
i know you hurt sometimes
so please stop acting
like all this doesnt kill you
because i know you still love me too

Fux0rz!

i f*cking hate you
f*cking her
and i wish she'd f*ck off
because she doesn't give a f*ck
about you
not like i f*cking do
dont be a f*cking moron
god! f*ck you!
so then tell me why
you just cant f*ck me

the goldfish suicides

swimming in circles
monotonous waves of melancholy
everything's the same

but each day
is a step closer to freedom
wish someone would set me free

try to tempt the cat
acting like a tv dinner
his eyes devour my every move

try to drown in my oxygen
hold my breath
until i turn orange

but cruelty prevails
watery hands hold me down
inside a glass prison

desperation drives me mad
take things in my own hands
i wish my fins were replaced

jump out of the water bowl!
taste death on my breath
licking the lips of freedom

tonight is for the boys
drink until you forget me

go and fuck whoever you want
get high on their sex

watch them dance on your lap
let them awaken your manliness

dance until your feet fall off
kiss as many as you can

just one favor please
when you're done with your fun

hop into your car and go home
yes, come back home to me

remember

when she wraps you
in her arms
remember
you never let me go

when she kisses you
good night
remember
i waited till the angels let you dream

when she says
she loves you
remember
we used to feel that too

when she knows
she's yours now
remember
you were mine first

and when you almost
forget me
remember
just remember- us

you love it

she stays out till all hours
comes home when she wants
and you love it

she drinks with mr. vodka
and parties with smirnoff's ice
but you love it

yes an older woman
with a land of her own
and you love it

you werent her first love
virginity: non-existent
but you love it

you do not own her heart
she's your forbidden mystery
and you love it

she doesnt know your smile
she cant understand your moods
but you love it

she could take you to her place
and love you like i didnt
and you love it

she doesnt share your past
unsure she wants your future
but you love it

im everything she's not
and she's everything i cant be
and you love it

[[ poem from sophomore year ]]

The Funeral

Today the greatest guy has died
who since forever I had eyed
But now I send him to his grave
yet first to him, my Love I gave
For its reserved for my best friend
who's love once lived is now the end
I know he hurt me, I was there
I can't help it, Love aint fair

Today the greatest friend had died
who once was always by my side
Now I know he won't return
He's changed for good, that I'll learn
What has become of my best friend
whose hand was always there to lend
How did he die? What did I do?
to make him change to someone new?

Today the greatest Love has died
who couldn't Love me, though he tried
Been cold for months without a heart
slowly our souls were drifting apart
Once filled with warmth, in his eyes
covered by emptiness, the Love that's left dies
Still I held on for my Love was true
but the man I Loved was someone new

Today the greatest lie has died
which at first I had denied
He's long been dead, but I am blind
reality can't process in my mind
His words just get me off the track
make me believe my Love is back
Might try to fool me, now I'm wise
I can see right thru disguise

Today the greatest memory died
with him I'll bury tears I've cried
The back of this heart, he will go
the feelings inside will never show
There's nothing left he is gone
He's disappeared just like the dawn
He aint the man I'd fallen for
So I'll bid farewell forevermore
I've left the funeral, I thought I'd won
but no, in me, he still lives on...

im done being your whore
and ive come to collect

i throw the money on the floor
i spit the words on your face

your eyes tell me
that i wont be paid tonight

even though you promise
with your heart- you lie

i would walk away empty handed
nothing but an insatiable craving

except she goes home
with a pocketful of your love

i will be back tomorrow
and every day after that- to collect

i see two shadows
in the windows of your heart
sinister flames of black
dance and become one

as the lights click off
in the space that use to be mine
no one is aware
that they make love
but me

stranded on earth
looking up at the heaven
i wasnt invited to
enchanted by painful visions

as drops soak thru
the dress i knew you'd like
the ghost of me watches
no one knows im here
but me

sister rain joins
the watery escapes of my eyes
fashioning the immaculate drop
of pure innocence

pools of a watery grave
nestle on my cheek
no one knows that
silent tears run invisible
but me