on loan

as he peels my clothes off
i think to myself
how
i don't want
to give myselt
to him

because part of me
still belongs to you
even though
you don't want it
anymore

but i like
being wanted
so i let him
borrow a piece of me
tonight

that i'll take back
in the morning

never trust yourself to order when you're hungry

it's been awhile since i've been fed
i sit in a drafty corner of a room
mouth closed, secretly salivating
after some imaginary delight
my insides are doing somersaults
from emptiness
like a chaos of clothes
tumbling in the laundry dryer

then i see meat, fresh meat
that can satisfy, please, fill
i want it so bad
my sweat leaks out to take a peek
it wants to taste anything

stuff myself until i can't breathe
look back and realize while
i'm breathless, unbuttoned, drenched
he was a mistake

with a woman

sometimes i think it'd be easier
if i was with a woman
at least i know
what certain actions mean
i've learned
to read between the lines
what it really means
when she says
what she says

i wouldn't forget
to tell her, remind her, reassure her
that she's beautiful
and maybe
she'll do it back
because she knows
like i know

a woman would be simpler
because sex would be
just that with her
and i can't really
fall in love with her
because she just won't
be my type
because i like guys
like you

it would be better
with a woman
because she'd know
how i like it
not touch me too hard
too soft, too much, too little
she'll be just right
except i might crave you
inside me
once in awhile
what would i do then

if she chooses
to break my heart
she can't
she never had it
in the first place
because i forgot
to get it back
and you still have it

but you can keep it
because i don't want
her to have it, ever
so it can always
be easier with her

the waiting game

your favorite game to play
is the waiting game
except you're not fair
i'm always it
and it seems i never
win this stupid game

sometimes
when it gets really hard
i want to tell you
i don't want to
play anymore
only that's your favorite game
and i'm your favorite playmate
so how can i say no
to you

painful roads

i hate that suffering is usually
a one-way street
when i hear our songs
on the radio
i clutch my chest
and struggle to breathe
while in some far distance
you hear it
and won't flinch
or even notice

each night
i lay in bed for hours
seeing te lights from outside
change on the walls
the beackbeat behind the thoughts
in my head thump
michael, michael, michael

i feel loneliest at night
when i know for certain
you are not
i picture you holding her
her head resting on your shoulder
as you both sleep

i'm afraid
this one-way street
is going to reach a dead end

Hating Tuesdays

he liked to leave me on Tuesdays
i don't really know why
i've learned to dread that day
as if it holds contempt for me
to take what i love

from the time we kiss and say our goodnights
at the end of a monday to the few hours in between
before he's supposed to leave for work that Tuesday
something happends inside of him
as if a crazy brush has painted over his thoughts
or atomic implosion that destroys
his conscience and common sense
where he abandons everything
including the girl who still waits on Tuesdays

i'd like to make peace with Tuesdays
so why don't we make a deal here
bring him back on a Tuesday
and all will be forgiven

Losing WAIT

i finally lost 10 pounds
just like you wanted
just like you asked for
you pushed me for so long to
hit the gym or start that diet
but i was content with myself
because you were there to love me
so all your words did nothing
until you left

and i finally lost 10 pounds
though you're not here to see
how much better my pants fit me
or how less embarassing it is
for me to wear a bathing suit
i'm sexy again like when we first met
so why not fall in love with me
all over again

if i lost 10 more pounds
would that make you come around
because the first 10 wasn't enough
i've always been either too much
or not enough for you
so when will i be just right
because i'm not hungry anymore
and everyone's proud of
how cute i look

so please
admire what you've done
maybe even love me again
because to tell you the truth
i am a little hungry