I want

I want
to be lame with you watching foreign films
secretly crying during our favorite parts
while clinging to each other all night long.

I want
you to think about me before going to bed
then thinking about me when you wake up
where your fingertips are itching to dial my number.

I want
to see us fight and yell and get so frustrated with each other
promising ourselves that we won’t give in
only to make up and say sorry and realize we were wrong.

I want
to just sit and laugh and talk with you for hours at a time
because you love my stories
and I love how you say things.

I want
to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to you being cold
so I can put the blanket over you
as you keep my cold heart warm for the night.

I want
to never lie to you because you don't know how to lie
and I want you to be the first and only guy
I ever stay faithful to.

I want
to make love to you while you caress my face and hair
with kisses so tender it hurts
as I bite into your shoulder and mark that you're mine tonight.

I want
you to look at me and know I’m all you want
and no other girl can come close
because that's what I think when I look at you.

I want
you to go for long periods of time of no compliments or sweet words
and then come out one day out of the blue
with something equally unnerving as "I like holding you, Joanne."

I want
to spend birthdays, holidays, special events with you
and coordinate, sometimes, even argue
about which family we go to first and how long we're staying.

I want
to go help you pick out presents for people because
you're not too good at that and it makes me feel
a part of you to be able to share my time and opinions with you.

I want to
play video games with you until it gets late
so we can talk trash to each other on who's winning or losing,
and laugh about it and tease each other later.

I want
to watch a sunset with you at a beach
even though I know you HATE the beach
but you'd go just for me.

I want
to see your hair not done as you see me without my make-up
and have both of us be ok with that
even though we appreciate getting a little dressed up sometimes.

I want
you to introduce me to your friends as your broad, your bruja,
your half girlfriend or anything coupled with a second person possessive
even though they already know who I am.

I just want-
F*CK!
I just want to be with you.
Ok?!

i know what i'm gettting into (i think)

he said it once; he'll say it again.
"don't get attached or it's the end."
yet stupid girls line up and say
he'll change for them and love someday.
like chocolate cake, what can they do?
tastes like heaven yet bad for you.
i laugh and joke at their expense
he won't commit! it makes no sense!
so tell me why i've joined this line
crossing my fingers that he'll be mine
i must pretend. he cannot know
the way i feel, afraid he'll go.
can only hope he's met his match
that to me, he can attach
and when that day he leaves me lonely
i'll blame myself and myself only.

running on empty

starting on a full tank
full speed ahead
wrecklessly driving
our love
we were far from
running on empty

soon time wore on
and wore us out
each time we lied
each time we cheated
a step closer to
running on empty

it's come to the point
there's been so much damage
do we really still
love each other?
as we're almost
running on empty

we've crossed the line
the sign blinks red
reminding how far we went
without stopping to think
that we were
running on empty

the car is dead
we can't move forward
futile pushing
and trying to make this work
let's open our eyes
we're running on empty

it's over now
get out of the car
and walk away
we're getting nowhere
when we are both
running on empty

so i can save the world

i wanna be
obsessed with
working out
to the point
i can't stop
doing it and eat
just enough
calories
to get me
through the day
so i can be super
skinny
and
have all the boys
fall
in love with me
so i can
squish
their evil
little hearts
and
save
at least one
innocent girl
a heartbreak so
i can go to sleep
and
be able to live
with myself.
the end.

dan

you broke my heart
before we even met
oblivious that
i exist
and hanging on
every
word
that
she says
you already
chose her
before i had
a slight chance
to bait you
with my wit

when i speak
you don't
look at me
can't take
your eyes
away
from
her
afraid she might
have the chance
to break your heart
before you meet her

Anger Management

my head will steam
and I want to scream.
i'll put my words away.

you can't get the jist.
then i make a fist.
i'll rage another day.

you drive me crazy.
should kill you? maybe.
my threats will go unsaid.

stupid piece of shit,
the fan you'll hit.
keep it in instead.

my anger, it hides
dark places inside.
i'm a mean girl, no doubt.

my hate, i will tuck it
away in a bucket
until it all spills out.

you got me so pissed
you're lucky i missed
my big chance to talk back

i wish i could say
"asshole, go away"
before i will attack.

i'm just so frustrated.
i'm too nice- i hate it.
i can't go on like this.

must say how i feel
and for once just be real.
or my sanity i will miss.

if i wanna win
should stop holding it in.
i bet i'll feel alot better.

one day when you shout,
the bitch will come out.
you'll be sorry you met her.

why I write poems about relationships

i put
my love
on paper
because
ink
will last
longer
than
my attention

Duel

our guns are drawn
but neither
will shoot.
i just can't bear
to have this die
at my hands.

i'm ready
to take you out.
my aim
is pointed straight
at you.
but i can't seem
to pull
the fucking trigger.

hey cowboy,
do you have the balls
to end it
when it's over.
are you scared
to hurt me
or scared
it might hurt you.
because you know
i'll fire back
comebacks
of what you
did wrong.

but i'm a coward
shaking
in my own skin.
waiting for you
to ruin what we have
because maybe
part of me wants this
to live.

what's so wrong
in walking away
from this duel.
i might not want to
take you out
as much as you do me.
i'm not strong enough
to leave this
dead
but i'm scared
you'll kill me
if i stay.

sharpshooter,
i've dropped my weapon.
i'll take your gun
to my mouth.

so
shoot.

Loving Alex

my poor pablo
he loves her so
wherever she leads
he's sure to follow
from the moment he wakes
till the time he sleeps
he's all about alex
for her he weeps
she's all he needs
he breathes her in
he eats/sleeps alex.
forget oxygen!
pitiful desperation
will never get his girl
still he feels a lil dirt
will help him get his pearl
all his friends are sick
of hearing alex tales
efforts to shut him up
every time will fail
so all alone he'll moan
and whine and wait and rage
for who can save a prisoner
who's locked in his own cage

wait one day he'll snap
i'm sure he'll take his life
when he'll realize
she'll never be his wife
all his bloody love
will spill all on the floor
she sits at home and thinks "thank god
he won't call anymore"
her life goes on without him
although his will end
she'll get over it tomorrow
she'll find a new boyfriend
thus is the tragic end
of this tale of woe
of a beauty named alex
and a fool named pablo

i miss you best

i miss you best
when i hear about you
from some other mouth
but never being able
to see you for myself

i miss you worst
when im with him
kissing his lips
trying to erase
the taste of you

i miss you most
when im walking home
and i hope every shadow
would come together
and be you

i miss you least
if you were just here
showing me why
i miss you so much
when you're gone

flatulence

like a G.I. in a battlefield
it manuevers through unmarked territory
searching for a sanctuary
that will save it from negligence
a cloud of soldiers
warm, heavy, unseen
by the human eye
curls into your nostrils
infiltrating all senses
clings on for dear life
letting you know its existence
it screams in silent disturbance
and you know you've been invaded

everyone to know

i want everyone to know you're mine
from the old cap on your head
to the jordan shoes on your feet

i want to baptise you
with my wanting
and have my smell
reek from your clothes
i want to leave you
strange birthmarks on your neck
that scream 'back off bitch,
he's already gettin some'
i'm sharpening my claws
so i can write my name
all over your back
the stinging afterwards
will remind you of me

i want everyone to know i'm yours
from the split end of my hair
to the chipping nailpolish on my toes.

i want you to become a vampire
and let me be your only victim
i don't ever want you
to let go of my hand
in case someone
wants to take me away from you
i want you to make love to me
and make me feel it all the way
till the next day
i want you to change your status
to "in a relationship"
so everyone can
leave us the fuck alone

i want everyone to know we're together
from the tips of you to the bottom of me

dumb boys

why do smart girls fall for dumb boys?
their idiotic smiles seem to be the new diamonds
seems every girls got one around her arm these days
why do we treasure these thoughtless entities
who forgets to call when they're supposed to
and drive you wild with their uncomplicated thinking
sometimes you want to pull every strand off your head
because he can't seem to understand what's wrong
but all you need to hear is an "i'm sorry"
for some reason, that is enough coming from him
sometimes i feel these dumb boys are pretty smart
and these smart girls act pretty fucking dumb

hero

when he could leap tall buildings with a single bound
who needed doors when he could jump through my window?
now my window misses his dramatic entrances

still wearing a smug look on his face and globs of gel in his hair
my man of steel now sits on a cold metal wheelchair
hoping to resemble someone you've seen in a comic book
he longs to go back to his glory days

a phone booth was his favorite place to take his clothes off
with wavy hair and glasses, no one could recognize him
i still think he looks great in tights

his useless body stays upright at all times
when he slumps down, he snaps when i help him
"i;m a grown man, lois. i can do it myself"
i sigh, "i know, clark." but help him anyway.

faster than a speeding bullet, he always showed up
at the last minute to rescue me from danger
but did he ever wonder who was there to save him?

as i spoon-fed him his mashed potatoes, he eagerly devours his food
leaving stains on the big yellow S on his chest
in the end when he wasn't a super man anymore,
it was I who turned out to be the superhero.

jealous of mona lisa
*poem about ginevra de'benci, a work by da vinci not as famous as the mona lisa

ginevra de'benci
why don't you try to smile
and put those wasted pieces
of swollen flesh
resting on your face
to good use?

you must be jealous
of the mona lisa.
her name dances
on the tongue of every mouth.
her smile is printed
on the corner of all minds.
her face haunts the pages
of history books.

but you sit patiently
like a ghost
on the bottom left corner
of the art appreciation book
i never gave back
in high school.

you must be jealous
of the mona lisa
who's known for her smile.
all i see when i look at you
are the bottomless gray
of our eyes
gazing longingly at me.

but the closer i look
and the more i squint my eyes
i notice you looking
elsewhere
to some fascination
behind me.

what are you thinking?
maybe that mr. da vinci
took his sweet time
painting her and not you?
you must be jealous
of the mona lisa.

beauty queen

ode to the beauty queen: she's misery in disguise
a display behind the glass of a trophy case
she shows off her success like a prize

she looks down from her pedestal with no warmth in her eyes
glorified yet alone like the portrait atop the fireplace
ode to the beauty queen: she's misery in disguise

she rarely eats because "she's too fat" then she'll exercise
so she can parade down that catwalk with confident grace
she shows off her success like a prize

the winner of princess crowns, to all's surpise
has a cheering section that echo the emptiness of space
ode to the beauty queen: she's misery in disguise

she's too good for everyone. she won't socialize
but loves to harvest the eyes off every boy's face
she shows off her success like a prize

having no time for love, she'll soon realize
she wasted her beauty like a flowerless vase
she shows off her success like a prize
ode to the beauty queen: she's misery in disguise

v.d.

don't misunderstand
not the venereal disease
it's much worse than that

don't go out at night
secret societies meet
under red heart moons

arms bursting with bloom
smiles tatooed on every girl
who is not alone

no gun to your head
yet forced to let these nightmares
eat at your vision

so if you ask me
i'd rather live through v.d.
than valentine's day

my favorite

you remind me of my favorite game
how fired up i get trying to win it over
every defeat rewards me with some sweet victory
i'd still play it even though my eyes are red
and my fingers are tired from pushing buttons
it's worth losing sleep over trying to figure it out
i can play you over and over again
and never get sick you
until i beat the game

you remind me of my favorite lingerie
how sexy it makes me feel by putting it on
it brings out my bad side but in a good way
i can get some action each time i wear it
because it screams "i want you"
it never fails to get me off
i can wear you over and over again
and never get sick of you
until it wears out

you remind me of my favorite pet
how it was when i first got it
i couldn't leave its side
i catered to its every need without complaint
i snuggle into its fur
and feel my only comfort
i play with it every chance i got
it always held my attention
i can stroke you over and over again
and never get sick you
until it got old

you remind me of my favorite food
how it tastes when it enters my mouth
i savor every bite as if it was my last
sometimes i'm so hungry it hurts
the aching makes me stuff my face
until i can't eat anymore
because it tastes too damn good to stop
i can eat you over and over again
and never get sick you
until i'm full

you remind me of my favorite movie
how happy i get when i see it on the screen
i know every line by heart
i know of all the discrepancies
and still love every bit of it anyway
my dvd player can't get the taste
of that movie out of its mouth
i can stand your reruns over and over again
and never get sick of you
until it ends

you remind me of my favorite song
how it always makes me want to sing along
the way i feel when i hear it play
with every word touching me
moving me from the inside out
i can put you on repeat
listen to you over and over again
and never get sick of you
until i change the track

you remind me of a favorite i used to have
how it seemed to be the best thing there was
i couldn't compare anything to it at the time
because it was the only thing i wanted
i'd pick it over anything i loved
because it was my favorite
and there was nothing else i would rather do
than see you over and over again
and never get sick of you
until i got a new favorite

anymore

you don't know where i've been
so don't come around thinking
your words do anything to me
your actions mean nothing to me

you think you can hurt me
you waltz into my life
like you swear you're gonna be
somebody to me

how dare you act like that
and actually believe i'd stick around
you don't know what i've been through
you won't believe what i've seen

it's easier every time
i have to walk away
i won't hesitate this time
to vanish like a dream

i won't think twice or regret
it's less complicated to hate
than trouble myself to care
because nothings really worth it anymore

careless

you can't trust boys with your heart
no matter how worth it they look
they'll always manage to break it somehow

like kids in a glass store
they run wrecklessly through it
never thinking about what its worth

they eat hearts for dinner
and after a couple of beers
they'll throw it up all over the floor

so don't trust some boy and give it all
his bullshit lines that make you fall
i'm sure with time it'll change

boys have no clue about hearts
theirs are behind bulletproof casing
so they handle ours like we have armor

with accident or purpose, there will be damage
but they won't understand why it hurts
so let's start a revolution to destroy theirs

unsuspecting

when you least expect it
it hits you
like birdshit
landing on your head

you know it could happen
to anyone
but you actually think
you're above it all

you walk around
confident
as if you're saying
bring it on

but you weren't prepared
like you thought
because you never imagined
you could miss him again

again

its funny how i swear
been hurt too much to care
or feel that much pain again

until you came along
and proved that i was wrong
didn't know your capabilites

not saying that you might
but i know without a fight
i'd give you all of me

vulnerable and weak
the side you get to peek
doesn't usually come with this package

i want to run away
but fuck it, i will stay
never thought i'd feel this way again

on loan

as he peels my clothes off
i think to myself
how
i don't want
to give myselt
to him

because part of me
still belongs to you
even though
you don't want it
anymore

but i like
being wanted
so i let him
borrow a piece of me
tonight

that i'll take back
in the morning

never trust yourself to order when you're hungry

it's been awhile since i've been fed
i sit in a drafty corner of a room
mouth closed, secretly salivating
after some imaginary delight
my insides are doing somersaults
from emptiness
like a chaos of clothes
tumbling in the laundry dryer

then i see meat, fresh meat
that can satisfy, please, fill
i want it so bad
my sweat leaks out to take a peek
it wants to taste anything

stuff myself until i can't breathe
look back and realize while
i'm breathless, unbuttoned, drenched
he was a mistake

with a woman

sometimes i think it'd be easier
if i was with a woman
at least i know
what certain actions mean
i've learned
to read between the lines
what it really means
when she says
what she says

i wouldn't forget
to tell her, remind her, reassure her
that she's beautiful
and maybe
she'll do it back
because she knows
like i know

a woman would be simpler
because sex would be
just that with her
and i can't really
fall in love with her
because she just won't
be my type
because i like guys
like you

it would be better
with a woman
because she'd know
how i like it
not touch me too hard
too soft, too much, too little
she'll be just right
except i might crave you
inside me
once in awhile
what would i do then

if she chooses
to break my heart
she can't
she never had it
in the first place
because i forgot
to get it back
and you still have it

but you can keep it
because i don't want
her to have it, ever
so it can always
be easier with her

the waiting game

your favorite game to play
is the waiting game
except you're not fair
i'm always it
and it seems i never
win this stupid game

sometimes
when it gets really hard
i want to tell you
i don't want to
play anymore
only that's your favorite game
and i'm your favorite playmate
so how can i say no
to you

painful roads

i hate that suffering is usually
a one-way street
when i hear our songs
on the radio
i clutch my chest
and struggle to breathe
while in some far distance
you hear it
and won't flinch
or even notice

each night
i lay in bed for hours
seeing te lights from outside
change on the walls
the beackbeat behind the thoughts
in my head thump
michael, michael, michael

i feel loneliest at night
when i know for certain
you are not
i picture you holding her
her head resting on your shoulder
as you both sleep

i'm afraid
this one-way street
is going to reach a dead end

Hating Tuesdays

he liked to leave me on Tuesdays
i don't really know why
i've learned to dread that day
as if it holds contempt for me
to take what i love

from the time we kiss and say our goodnights
at the end of a monday to the few hours in between
before he's supposed to leave for work that Tuesday
something happends inside of him
as if a crazy brush has painted over his thoughts
or atomic implosion that destroys
his conscience and common sense
where he abandons everything
including the girl who still waits on Tuesdays

i'd like to make peace with Tuesdays
so why don't we make a deal here
bring him back on a Tuesday
and all will be forgiven

Losing WAIT

i finally lost 10 pounds
just like you wanted
just like you asked for
you pushed me for so long to
hit the gym or start that diet
but i was content with myself
because you were there to love me
so all your words did nothing
until you left

and i finally lost 10 pounds
though you're not here to see
how much better my pants fit me
or how less embarassing it is
for me to wear a bathing suit
i'm sexy again like when we first met
so why not fall in love with me
all over again

if i lost 10 more pounds
would that make you come around
because the first 10 wasn't enough
i've always been either too much
or not enough for you
so when will i be just right
because i'm not hungry anymore
and everyone's proud of
how cute i look

so please
admire what you've done
maybe even love me again
because to tell you the truth
i am a little hungry

writing facade

i only write poetry
when i'm depressed
the kind where
i'm at the bottom of some hole
i'm filling it
with words
painted in feelings

in poems
when my heart is breaking
they are the painful screams
of my heart
that travel to my brain
then burst into fragments of poetry

when i'm in love
poems escape my lips
to my lover
i don't need to write it down

out of love
i document my grief
because i don't think
anyone really wants to know
what a sad girl
i've become

the counting game

i count the hours for your call
because i know you can't stand
this long without talking to me

i count the days of your silence
and know any second now
my phone will dance and sing
to let me know you miss me

i count the weeks
as i count my weakness
which include you, waiting
and a stupid phone

you used to need me
and i realize i can count
all i want
but i could never
count on you

if i were you

i still look outside my window
searching for a sign that you exist
my heart crosses its fingers with each glance
just to see your car parked on the street
looking, spying, checking
if i'm awake

or at least see you drive by
like a stalker in the night
for just a glimpse of my shadow
or seeing my light on at 2 in the morning

or see your unmistakeable figure
walking towards me and waving a hand
like it hasn't been four days
since i last saw you

or at least talk to my neighbors
to ask about how i am
and who i've been with

i want you to obsess about me
and watch me from an obscure place
as you write convincing letters
and desperate poetry

i want to feel your eyes behind me
when i'm walking
to the vending machines
or getting something from the car

i want the foreboding presence
of your shadow
to linger while i drive
where i swear
i see your car following me

i want the thought of me
to drive you mad
so you circle my street
U-turn after U-turn
just so you can feel
close to me

because that's what i'd do
if i knew where you were
only i wouldn't have left
and you wouldn't need to spy
because you wouldn't be alone
looking out the window
for me

sometimes

i hate when i sit in the living room
and i hear footsteps walking
towards the front door
though i hold my breath each time
it never does stop to knock

sometimes i want to run outside
to meet you even though
i know deep inside
i already know its not

just once, when i decide
to get up from the couch
can you just be there?
climbing the staircase towards me
relieved that i knew
you were coming

what you left behind

as you drift above yourself
in a stupid high
like a fog that rolls just above the ground
i am chilled by the icy loneliness
that your absence leaves behind
a trail of uncomfortable silences
and frustrated wonderings

as you drive away
further and further from me
the wind runs its fingers through your hair
whipping it across your face
reminding you to love its freedom
i remain stagnant in our room
hoping i go unnoticed
like a missing sock
behind the washing machine

as you conquer every beauty
erasing a piece of me in your heart
with each pregnant kiss
i knock down every door
tear dowen every wall
searching, raging, wanting
to find you
though you were never really lost

as your side of the bed cools off
and forgets you ever existed
i slowly move to the middle
and take up your space
but always leaving just a little room
just in case
this waiting wasn't for nothing

exhaustion

pressed against a sweaty body
my lust rushes to my head
and knocks on its door
it's tired and wants to rest
so it pushes thoughts of you out
to make room
i begin to wonder
who's keeping you warm this night
as this pulsating body
attempts to make it worth the effort

sex without you

gropping, touching, grabbing
at two forty seven on a monday morning
him and i together
secretly wishing
we were with other people

he fights to not scream her name
so he bites my lip to shut up
i keep my eyes closed tight
like pandora's box
afraid of what i may see
if they are opened

because behind my eager eyes
i yearn for only you
and i can't stand disappointing them
with flashes of his face

as he moves
on top of me, below me, behind me
i can think of only you
what you'd say if you knew
would it bring you back?

pointless thrusts push my mind elsewhere
to a time when we used to make love
i make my love for you with him
with every moan, a whisper of your name
is called out from the back of my mind

after he lays tangled up with me
we both cling to a memory
that can't be deleted
i long for your callused hands
smoothing out my body
like crumpled paper
folding me to fit in your arms

this was all i wanted from you
though i lay and pretend
i need it from him
i wonder who he wishes
was in his arms tonight

dear michael, these lyrics are made out for you
so you can hear the bullsh*t and the f*cked up things you do
you love, you lie, you make me cry
and then you promise, cross you heart and hope to die
stick those needles in my eyes so i can bleed my tears
kiss sleeping beauty so i can wake up to my worstest fears
you her lover, your my fighter: the realities of my life
en guarde! as you stab me in the front with your blunt knife
so go back to that psycho drunk and follow the path she leads
of wasted time and fantasies that will bring you to your knees
take her offer of nothing in exchange for our smiles and laughter
only shows up when someone takes her place but what about the time after
she's pregnant now, its not your kid. but do you even are?
jesus, you wanna be the savior even though she doesnt want you there
why is it that she wont ever be your but she wont let you be mine?
she pushes you away then reels you in and you're back in cloud 9
she pretends to be my friend while f*cking you behind the scenes
as you hold my hand and hold my heart not knowing exactly what that means
you've got the magic sh*t, i know if i heard it once i'll hear it again
cause out of my 21 questions, the truth only add up to ten
suck her cow nipples dry until you believe you're her baby
even though you know it wont work out, in your head theres always that maybe
you pissed on our friendship, you sh*t on our love with all your f*cking lies
great pretender, you faked it even when i took off my mask and disguise
but you chose the wannabe flippaccino instead of your only best friend
who's seen you through it all and would stay until the end
you're full of sh*t, you *sshole, so fess up to what you've done
your two-timing days are over, here's a toast to your end of fun
its f*cked up because you know im in loveand that makes me weak sauce
i dont know why i feel worthless when everyone says its your loss
that sitting duck cant f*ck like me, you know im always better
when she sucks your d*ck with her metal mouth, you know i make you wetter
cum in her mouth of steel and rust it so you'll feel like superman
though she sucks away all you feel, you trust it because you know she can
stop wallowing in your sh*t, my love, because its just pathetic
you wonder why your life aint sublime because it cant if you wont let it
congratulations you've won! she let you be her b*tch
just amke sure you keep the dough rollin, make sure you're always rich
your lies didnt last too long, just like when we f*ck in the car
please know, you nazi wetback, you'll always lose the war
still taste cigarette kisses dancing on my lips
hope you miss me by your side after all the meetings she skips
sweetheart baby, i metl in your mouth but not in your heart
so taste the rainbow and choke on it each time that we're apart
then tell me ciao and i'll say toodles not knowing the price you'll pay
im the best thing you'll never have, meeting me was your lucky day
every day i will forget all the sh*t that i've been through
but each moment with her you'll remember that asian chick you once knew
you've packed your bags so leave my heart and give me back the keys
when you touch yourself just think of me and how you'll never have these
i curse you to regret me, STD's on both your houses
cuz i know if you walk down the aisle with her, you'll both make sh*tty spouses
your life will be a walking shadow of the light i left behind
the what if's that could have happened between us i hope will plague your mind
so when your nights are lonely and your d*ck calls out my name
just kick yourself in the *Ss before you try to play your game
so i end this letter with hate and all my dying love
from me, the girl you left behind, your birthday gift from above

addiction for his fatal love
brings me to my knees
paranoia is my anti- drug
the cure to my disease
to love a man who'll never have
the feelings that i bleed
he's in my life, he's everything
tho im not the one he'll need
must stop the fear of losing
someone i never had
cant hold on to somebody
who'll always make me sad
the hardest thing to do
is love the one i hate
a feeling once so right
proven false by fate
a happy life together
could never belong to us
with secrets beneath our smiles
and loop holes surround our trust

his promises of forever
could never really last
an effort to move forward
just brings me to the past
pictures of our laughter
can only bring me tears
thank goodness feelings fade
though photos last for years
the memories i wish to remember
hold the face i can't forget
a mind that yearns to go back
with a heart thats not ready yet
a world where dreams are hopeless
and love wont be enough
yet i still dare to believe
even when things get tough
it kills me to relive fairy tales
that have no happy ending
i might as well wake up from this
and let my heart start mending

i don't know why im here
i don't know why i stay
i get nothing from this whole thing
i make time just to see you
yet your lips cant breath a thank you

i question if you love me
do you really care?
are you really worth it?
am i wasting my time
with an ungrateful boy?

sometimes i want to leave
run away and never look back
but you change my mind
in a heartbeat
with just one look

X-posed

eyeliner, lipstick, hair all done
invincible, perfect, have all the fun
outfits, clothes that make them stare
to see past that is just plain rare
the snob, the beauty, the heartless bitch
just propaganda, its my sales pitch
i'm exposed now, i can't hide
this is me, i know i lied

you see her, that's not me
i’m not the girl you thought i'd be
you think you have me figured out
how can you know me, even i have doubts
you hold me tight and find i break
the confident smile i have is fake
i'm exposed, i hate it so
i'm scared it will make you go

unhappiness beneath the smile i wear
if i frown, will you still be there?
i let you in, my so-called friend
will you stick around until the end?
naked, no make-up, this is real
tell me, how does that make you feel
i'm exposed, will you stay?
or are you gonna run away?

you accept me- this feels new
cuz i am me when im with you
a pleasure to meet me, its been so long
for someone to hear this silent song
do you fear me? love me? tell me why
you love the girl beneath the lie
i'm exposed and it's ok
i know you'll be there for me anyway

another broken heart

he takes my heart
keeps it under glass to show off
for them

he takes my heart
holds it like he means forever
for me

he takes my heart
crushes the last surviving pieces
for her

he takes my heart
like its destined to break
for him

picture perfect

the portrait is finished
she struggles to see
an imperfection
in her love-to-be

she labels it "perfect"
and treasures it so
didn't look closer
so she'll never know

about the obvious flaw
in her image of them
oblivious to thorns
in her rosebud's stem

'till she finds the spot
that catches her eye
love is not perfect
its all a lie

fruitless efforts
to erase the mark
she refuses to listen
and remains in the dark

a sad tale
of a girl so blind
stares at her picture
made in her mind

avoiding the truth
forever she sleeps
afraid of reality
that makes her weep

lives in the dream
of the love she knew
when she opened her eyes
oh! what to do

betrayed by hope
the portrait- a stain
of the endless tears
that realize her pain

an artist's vision
destroyed right then
leaving a girl
who won't love again

impossible

listen
to my heart

while

deceitful words
pound at my eardrums
till whispers from within
are unheard

follow
my heart

while

lost in a battlefield
against my mind
where i cant find
a way out of misery

ode to my wife
(a poem from an old man)

they say you’re getting old
your hair is turning white
but all i see, my sweet
are streams of silver moonlight

they see wrinkles on your face
a new one every day
just a tally of your beauty
is all i have to say

your teeth fall off one by one
just like a shooting star
the softness of your gums
is the best wish by far

your walker, our pretend balcony
look down from up above
you’re my only juliet
and i, your romeo in love

slower than a tortoise
but then i am no hare
it’s easier to catch you
so run, my love, beware

your eyes fail as clouds pass
memories is all you see
i paint a rainbow in your ears
and let you watch through me

hold my cane, hold your hand
the comforts of my life
i’ll always need you
my pillar, my beautiful wife

through inactive years ahead
i’ll still love you then
my darling, my friend, my love
wait, what’s your name again?

her life
an empty
drawing board
waiting to be filled

innocence
paints her face
naievity
draws her smile

oblivious
to the boy
who's destined
to erase

villanous savior

you save me
give me wings
then tell me
to fly away
but i wont leave you
so you leave me
to die

the true cinderella story

barefoot
walking away
from the past
a castle built
on empty hopes
and promises
impossible dreams
crumble
at the sight of the
escaping child

with broken pieces
all over the floor
of a beautiful heart
that used to
belong to you
shattered
thorns of hate
reach out to stop
her salvation
her freedom

taste the blood
on her heels
as it carries her
through roads
that visit only
sweet memories
making her blood
boil with hatred
for the prince
not so charming

she falls
in love again
holding her back
for just a second
until she stands up
to her fear
keeps on moving
on to find
the other half of
her glass heart

i have a secret
no whisper can escape
these lips
words imprisoned
behind a scarlet jail

i wish i could share
my bitter knowledge
that we were
made for each other
like locks and keys

i fear you'd discover
we are too perfect
in compatibility
to be together and must
remain a secret

remembering you
forgetting me
one day at a time

sadly watching
your eyes wander
to someone else

you've survived me
loving you
never
loving me
i survive you

with someone else
your eyes wonder
sadly watching me

one day this time
im forgetting me
remembering you

watching you
watching me
waking sleeping beauty
inside
with kisses
from your fluttering butterfly lashes

watching me
watching you
provokes slumbering beasts
inside
with daggers
from your piercing brown eyes

stop watching
this watching
or watch me
stop watching you

ode to the boy in speech class

ode to your hair, your pants, your shirts
that resurrect a mem'ry that hurts
the painful way you laugh and smile
forces to reminisce awhile

ode to his love, i'll hate you more
blame you that he's out the door
forgiveness if you take his place
draw my future, my past: erase!

ode to what you're meant to do
fool me till i wont know who's who
convince me that he loves me still
te empty spaces he left, you'll fill

ode to the destiny you're meant to seal
and the emotions that you're forced to feel
let me pretend my dreams come true
live the lie that i once knew

ode to the shock that struck me when
you showed me her- your special friend
a photo of the one you love
forced my hope to disappear above

ode to the clone, you broke my heart
just like the boy, u played his part
thru your girl, i see HER too
staring back with love for you

ode to the pain from the same face
these familiar tears but a different case
both had hearts not meant to loan
so ode to their love that i'll never own

the boy in my speech class
carries the smile you shine
wears your eyes that hold me
fashions the threads that make you
it's your chance to love me thru him

excitement. crack open his head!
hoping to find you there
but there stands speech boy
hitting me with the cold fist that
you will never love me again

thus is the battle of the hearts

stone walls crumbled
fighting spirits perished
thriving hope diminished
great egos destroyed
unending joy forgotten
lasting love ended

the icy heart
of a ruthless bitch
has finally met its match
the long awaited foe

the worthless puddle
wont ever forget
the boy that melted her
to nothing but a pool of tears

valentine heart

cut the red paper
into my little heart
bleeding with love
for you

folding the past
in half, in hopes
that i will forget
you too

slice it once
until you've made
the perfect
symmetry

you wrap it up
and send my heart
right back
to me

whispering truths
with just one touch
from you

behind the scene
details
all for me

this is
loving me
without words

but sometimes
i wish
i could hear it too

the
gaps between
moments with you

are
longing endlessly
for delicious memories

while
temptation hangs
atop half eaten hearts

my
infidelity surges
from the tips of my touch

and
hungry cravings
lust after forbidden fruits

until
quenching presence
of you drown my lips

soon
forgetting wishes
from weak hearts inside me

you

hold his hand
say i love him
i pretend that it's you

close my eyes
touch his lips
i think that they're yours

takes me in his arms
whisper in my ear
i wish this to be you

walking side by side
believing i am his
i still belong to you

pressed against his body
feel his breath on my cheek
i want to scream for you

go home to his house
sleep in his bed
then i pray for you

wait till you come back
or hoping for him to be
but its never you

if i drank a lil more
and i danced a lil dance
would that make me cool?
would that make you love me?

if i acted a lil older
and i shed my youthful ways
would that make me mature?
would that make you love me?

if i knew you a lil later
and you fell in love with me now
would that make me available?
would that make you love me?

if i drove a cute lil car
and took you to the best parties
would that make me useful?
would that make you love me?

if i could just show you again
how much i love you
would that make me yours?
would that make you love me?

if you could just see what you're doing
and realize you were wrong
would that make you stop?
would that make you love me?

what if

what if
you never lied
never fed me false security
that you would be there for me
would i be crying right now?

what if
i let you continue
to hurt me each day
and i wouldn't complain
would i be happier now?

what if
i knew that
i'd be missing you this much
like i cannot live without you
would i have let you go just now?

what if
i wasnt me
i became the girl you wanted
and you were proud to be my man
would i hate myself less than now?

what if
you loved me
like you were supposed to
what if you just loved me
would you be alone right now?

little mermaid

dont try to stop her
because no one can
she swims to tomorrow
with a picture in her heart

dont try to stop her
she wont listen
she cant see the impossible
when she looks into his eyes

dont try to stop her
she would kill
anyone in the way
between her and the fatal surface

dont try to stop her
her need for the human boy
drives her to the unbearable sand
and bake under the eyes of the sun

dont try to stop her
even though she knocks
each day on death's front door
nothing matters when he is there

dont try to stop her
when she suffocates from his breathe
because she would chose that
over water any day

dont try to stop her
im the little mermaid
trust me, ive tried to
but i cant stop me

catch you

when you're standing
on top of the world
with a million stories under you
or behind you
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

when you're ready to test
out the limits of these wings
and you jump off
to pull away from me
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

when you've invested your sorrows
in a bottle of sweet redemption
and you just cant walk
like you used to
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

when she breaks your heart
and releases the flood gates
of your eyes
and you know she wont
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

and when that day you see
who's always been there
maybe inside you know
that you're ready to fall in love again
if you want
i'll be here to catch you

i feel the need for lips
throbbing red flesh
to press against mine
to taste
someone's passions

i want a sinful kiss
to cleanse me
of all my frustration
to baptize me
from this innocence

i will bury my insecurities
in your mouth
and seal them
like a secret treasure
in a cave

To her:

Prepare to smile like you mean it
To nod when you don't understand
To laugh when its not funny
And listen when you couldn't care less

Don't forget to be there when he's alone
To leave when thats all he wants to be
To lose the battle but not the war
To forgive even when he cant

Please learn to hold him like that's where he belongs
To hug him like you'll never let him go
To kiss him with the same passion as the beginning
To be there to hold his hand when he needs a friend

Just remember to ignore the mood swings
To comfort him when he's had a bad day
To let it go if he blows up at you
To listen to both sides of the argument

You better fall in love with him each time you meet
To love him with every inch of your heart
To let him have all of you cuz you're lucky to have him
To never hurt him which was my mistake

So step up to the spotlight
It's your turn to shine
Don't mess up
I'm a difficult act to follow

stop asking why
to the world with no answers

stop questioning everyone
when they have no idea

just start saying "because"
and pretend like you know

because maybe you do know
you hold the answers to your own problems

don't fool yourself
you are not a god
you bleed too
you are capable of
an eye fountain

you are not immortal
i know you hurt sometimes
so please stop acting
like all this doesnt kill you
because i know you still love me too

Fux0rz!

i f*cking hate you
f*cking her
and i wish she'd f*ck off
because she doesn't give a f*ck
about you
not like i f*cking do
dont be a f*cking moron
god! f*ck you!
so then tell me why
you just cant f*ck me

the goldfish suicides

swimming in circles
monotonous waves of melancholy
everything's the same

but each day
is a step closer to freedom
wish someone would set me free

try to tempt the cat
acting like a tv dinner
his eyes devour my every move

try to drown in my oxygen
hold my breath
until i turn orange

but cruelty prevails
watery hands hold me down
inside a glass prison

desperation drives me mad
take things in my own hands
i wish my fins were replaced

jump out of the water bowl!
taste death on my breath
licking the lips of freedom

tonight is for the boys
drink until you forget me

go and fuck whoever you want
get high on their sex

watch them dance on your lap
let them awaken your manliness

dance until your feet fall off
kiss as many as you can

just one favor please
when you're done with your fun

hop into your car and go home
yes, come back home to me

remember

when she wraps you
in her arms
remember
you never let me go

when she kisses you
good night
remember
i waited till the angels let you dream

when she says
she loves you
remember
we used to feel that too

when she knows
she's yours now
remember
you were mine first

and when you almost
forget me
remember
just remember- us

you love it

she stays out till all hours
comes home when she wants
and you love it

she drinks with mr. vodka
and parties with smirnoff's ice
but you love it

yes an older woman
with a land of her own
and you love it

you werent her first love
virginity: non-existent
but you love it

you do not own her heart
she's your forbidden mystery
and you love it

she doesnt know your smile
she cant understand your moods
but you love it

she could take you to her place
and love you like i didnt
and you love it

she doesnt share your past
unsure she wants your future
but you love it

im everything she's not
and she's everything i cant be
and you love it

[[ poem from sophomore year ]]

The Funeral

Today the greatest guy has died
who since forever I had eyed
But now I send him to his grave
yet first to him, my Love I gave
For its reserved for my best friend
who's love once lived is now the end
I know he hurt me, I was there
I can't help it, Love aint fair

Today the greatest friend had died
who once was always by my side
Now I know he won't return
He's changed for good, that I'll learn
What has become of my best friend
whose hand was always there to lend
How did he die? What did I do?
to make him change to someone new?

Today the greatest Love has died
who couldn't Love me, though he tried
Been cold for months without a heart
slowly our souls were drifting apart
Once filled with warmth, in his eyes
covered by emptiness, the Love that's left dies
Still I held on for my Love was true
but the man I Loved was someone new

Today the greatest lie has died
which at first I had denied
He's long been dead, but I am blind
reality can't process in my mind
His words just get me off the track
make me believe my Love is back
Might try to fool me, now I'm wise
I can see right thru disguise

Today the greatest memory died
with him I'll bury tears I've cried
The back of this heart, he will go
the feelings inside will never show
There's nothing left he is gone
He's disappeared just like the dawn
He aint the man I'd fallen for
So I'll bid farewell forevermore
I've left the funeral, I thought I'd won
but no, in me, he still lives on...

im done being your whore
and ive come to collect

i throw the money on the floor
i spit the words on your face

your eyes tell me
that i wont be paid tonight

even though you promise
with your heart- you lie

i would walk away empty handed
nothing but an insatiable craving

except she goes home
with a pocketful of your love

i will be back tomorrow
and every day after that- to collect

i see two shadows
in the windows of your heart
sinister flames of black
dance and become one

as the lights click off
in the space that use to be mine
no one is aware
that they make love
but me

stranded on earth
looking up at the heaven
i wasnt invited to
enchanted by painful visions

as drops soak thru
the dress i knew you'd like
the ghost of me watches
no one knows im here
but me

sister rain joins
the watery escapes of my eyes
fashioning the immaculate drop
of pure innocence

pools of a watery grave
nestle on my cheek
no one knows that
silent tears run invisible
but me